after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I would ride that face into the sunset
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
