I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
