I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
