thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
