It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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