you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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