He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize