My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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