You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
