6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
