id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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