Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Randomize
