My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
