Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
