I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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