im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
