onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
