I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i now understand why vodka
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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