There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
