Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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