Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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