i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
