toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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