Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
