hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
