please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You dont lie about slip and slides
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
