apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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