Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
