dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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