his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
