My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
