she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
