New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
