PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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