I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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