neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
