Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
