I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
