This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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