Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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