She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
