I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
