Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
