apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
