I could have mohawked her pubes.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Randomize