You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
