erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
