Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
