so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
