i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize