I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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