Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
