My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
