While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
