Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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