i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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