I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
