the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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