Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
