Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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