Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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