i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
