I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
