he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
