What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
