Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
