Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
There r osticjed everywhere
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
