I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
