So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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