Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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