Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
