i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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