talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
They are going to name an STD after you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
