my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
