forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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