After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
