I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
