well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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