I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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