i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
