he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
