She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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