.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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