I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
