the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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