If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
