Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
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WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
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I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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