Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
